potato.

I was reading the awesome book that I picked up while I was at Edward McKay called "All is Forgiven, Move On" by Janice Taylor. It's a self-help book about how to change your relationship with food, and since I'm too cheap and too picky to go to a therapist, this is a perfect book for me! It's quirky and witty - lord only knows I don't have the patience for anything cheeseball or sappy, no Dr. Phil here!

One of the exercises addresses the emotional baggage we carry around by converting the invisible emotions into a literal object, a bag of potatoes. In my case, it's anger. There are a lot of people in my past that have hurt me, and left me and anger was what kept me safe. But there comes a point where that anger is no longer necessary, and it gets misdirected. I grabbed a stack of index cards and for everyone that I harbor some negative feelings for, or would dodge if I saw them at a grocery store, I wrote their name on a card. Next thing I knew that stack of cards was sitting about an inch of the table. Not good. That's a lot of ghosts to be running from-
No wonder I'm tired! Emotionally and spiritually that's a lot of weight, and from my experience backpacking, carrying around weight is demanding (duh!) It means that you burn more calories, so you need to eat more food, which means you need to take more breaks, and use up a greater number of resources. So by carrying this invisible emotional weight, it is more difficult for me to find emotional peace or balance. I am constantly stopping to adjust. I am needy. I need a lot of emotional support, which drains others. And if I was carrying on saving the world, they'd recognize the stress that I was under, and be more apt to contribute resources, but, the burden that I'm carrying has expired! It's outdated. It's from the past, it's run it's course. My family and friends have asked me to put this load down. They've stood by and helped me unload. Yet, I keep going back and picking it up anyway. Stupid! So of course they don't want to help me! Of course I'm always running on low fuel!

I think it's time to mash some potatoes and get this show on the road.

goals.

I started the year with a lot of ambition.
Now that I am down to 3 months, it's time to get real.

Here are the things I've done:

3. Learn more about the practice of yoga.
yay hot yoga!
4. Post my artwork on Etsy.
How about at Epona and Oak? Does that count? I think it does!

Here are the things I didn't do:

1. Reduce the waste that is produced in my home.
5. Begin training for a tri.
So... I had this brilliant idea to run a marathon instead... what?! And by the looks of things... I've fallen short. Boo!
6. Become a regular at a used book store.
I went to Edward McKay for the first time ever! what?! How is it that I was an english major and I never went to this bookstore until now?!
Still working on that whole "regular" bit.
7. Take an art class.
Does going to ahpeele and watching them screenprint count? No? ok.
8. Read at least 3 classics.
What's a classic again and why did I think I wanted to read one?
10. Spend one day a week exploring, playing, creating, doing. hmm I think I should start by "spend more time picking out realistic goals"

Here are the things that I still hope to accomplish:

2. Work on muscle toning and development.
9. Bake bundt cakes and deliver them to friends. I really should find this recipe... it's not too late!

10 Shared Goals


Done:

2. Paint the living room, bathroom and office.
Living room- check! Office- half a check... and we're ripping out the bathroom floor this week.
5. Plant a garden in my backyard. There was a garden. It yielded some spinach, some cucumbers and a lot of peppers. I didn't really help much to be honest though.
10. Go to San Diego. I think we're going in February... just after we go to the Philippines! I can't believe it!!! I got my passport and I'm saving my pennies!

Didn't do:

1. Visit all of the state parks in NC.
When Scott got laid off, we decided to put this one off.


Still some hope:
3. Start a dinner club. Maybe it's not too late to start this one...
4. Go on more picnics. The weather is perfect! No excuses!
6. Participate in a collaborative art project.
I started one, and it flopped. But I'm brainstorming a larger scale operation!
7. Throw a dance party. Let's just say we have some ideas...
8. Volunteer with at least 3 organizations.
One down, two to go.
9. Visit local vineyards and wine tastings. This needs to happen soon!

something september

i don't really know what happened.
it came in like a black hole
and swallowed all my desire.
i quit running,
i stopped sleeping,
i turned into an unhappy sort of sloth.

but now it is october and i am giving myself the power to just forget about september.