breathing

I've been on a bit of a hiatus the past couple of weeks... it seems that no matter how hard I try to establish some sort of routine, my life just isn't equipped to handle it.

Last weekend I went to Winston Salem to celebrate the marriage of two of my very close, wonderful friends, Shannon and Madison. It was a magnificent get-a-way... the leaves were just beginning to change, the weather was crisp, the people were wonderful, hospitable and gracious, the ceremony was just gorgeous and the reception was a blast. Congratulations Shannon and Madi- I wish you all the best in your life together!

This weekend was spent in Richmond supporting the opening of a new REI in Shortpump. Scott built bikes while I wandered around shop-opolous. It was INSANE! Think Southpoint Mall + Brier Creek and then spice it up with oh maybe two dozen more restaurants! It was a little scary. I sat in on some of the SST, Sales and Service Training, which is something that all new hires go through. Now, I've been with REI for two years now and most of the glamor, glory and glitz has worn off. I KNOW SST, but man, sitting in on the training was awesome. After the reality of retail sets in a bit more, the responsibilities, expectations and understanding has quadrupled... to sit in with a brand new staff of people that are getting ready to open a brand new store, it was inspiring. It reminded me that REI IS a different sort of company and I am grateful to be a part of that, and while maybe our store is made up of a bunch of old dogs, having worked there from 2-13 years, it is still a pretty spectacular work environment.

Life post-college isn't turning out like I thought, money is tight, doors aren't opening left and right... so all the deep breaths and reminders I can get seem to be paying off double. We're a generation of "go to college and get a job" but we graduated in a time of economic panic. And it's so easy to feed into that energy, to wake up each day anxious about what you're going to do, how you're going to do and if you'll even be able to do... but I just have to keep reminding myself that that's not what life is about! Sure, we all want more money and we all want to be more successful. But do we NEED it? What would happen if we let go of all of our preconceived notions? Let go of what we think life is and what we think life should be? Could we be happier? More content? More balanced? More at peace? If we could learn to live more simply, and accept that we are good enough as we are, and the fact that we don't live in a fancy house and drive a nice car is not a reflection of who we are...that is my quest. Not to settle for less, never to settle for less, but to seek out peace over prosperity and appreciate what I have now rather than spending my entire day envying what others have. And to remind myself that it is ok to want things, it is good! But that does not mean that I need to have them today. So often I feel that I am entitled to the things that I want, but I am not.

There is something beautiful about where I am today and acknowledging that in no way means that I will spend eternity here. The days are overwhelming, but rather than rocking the boat trying to stir up change, or maybe hiding from it, I am going to choose to breath. And sometimes it's breathing that takes my breath away, but that's ok, because the future only comes one day at a time.

one step back = two steps forward.

To train for the half marathon I decided to follow Hal Higdon's Plan.
It's not my favorite, but I only had 6 weeks. I needed something that I could jump into quickly and juggle with all my other obligations. I've been running consistently for the last 6 months, but only averaging 6-9 miles/week. Lately I've stepped it up to 4 workouts a week averaging 20 miles/week, quite a jump!

 

Here are a few of my favorites:

* Days of drizzle and mist
* Eating Ben&Jerry's FroYo free of guilt :)
* Watching the leaves float to the ground
* Tir na nog running club and new running buddies
* Jelly Belly sport beans, mmmm
* Knowing that I CAN go one more mile

...::: the hummingbird dreams :::...

so I do this thing... I call it fluttering. It's when I get this surge of passion, adrenaline, and excitement from an idea, the type of idea that breeds more ideas and the words that you speak can't even keep up with the thoughts that are racing impulses in your brain like bunnies reproducing. And so I flutter. I sit up real tall, I begin to speak with my hands in these large flapping gestures bringing hazard upon objects placed in close range, my words pour out and my heart just races away, twitterpated by my latest discovery of ideas.

I want to release a lantern. You know, like you see in movies? The type of event that is only held in a big city, like boston, new york or san francisco... I want one here. A friend of mine told me that he used to go to the craft store and buy tissue paper and dowel rods to make lanterns... they'd fill them with hot air, light them, and release them from a parking deck.
I think it sounds magical. I don't care if I send it soaring into the air, or floating down a stream... but I think it needs to happen.
Anyone care to join me?

a rather odd coincidence

I attended a wedding brunch this morning for a good friend of mine. I had been invited to the brunch by the bride and groom, so the invitation was really just a formality. I was told that it was being hosted by the groom's godmother at the house of a family friend. When the invitation arrived a week later, it just sat on the dresser. I never actually looked at it. If I had, I might have realized that it was at the home of one of my former professors.
Following the long, winding, mountain like roads, the leaves are just beginning to fall, we pull down the drive way arriving at this beautiful house neatly tucked into the woods of Chapel Hill. Upon walking into the house, there she is, with as much presence as ever. Her home, just a larger version of herself. Oliver, her poodle, greeted us with his wiggling cotton ball tail, roses adorned every table, and the smell of antiques filled the air. Everything felt just as it should be, as if it always was and always would be.
Some professors seem so professor like, she was one of them. So together, such a professor, you never think of them as being normal and having a life. It's not their impersonal, or on a pedestal, they just have so much knowledge and authority over their classroom, it just seems like that's where they belong. Seeing someone with such a great aura was like discovering what lies behind the curtain.

Last night I was having a conversation about people, socialization, and perspective. Our experiences shape the way we view people, and therefore the way we interact with them- if we are willing to invest some hope and faith into people, we are more likely to see that most everyone has something to contribute, a grandparent's wisdom, a child's knock-knock joke, a parents nagging, a loved one's praise. Our words have a tremendous ability to impact others, and our actions have even greater impact- what impression are you going to leave others with?

You never know when you'll run into them again...