run for your life.

whew! Does it ever get easier?! I feel like more often than not, the first ten minutes of every run is like going to the dentist- you know you need to- but good lord it's still awful. I completed, somewhat reluctantly, an hour run this afternoon... it was the guilt that pushed me... all the cocktails, the milkshake and french fries... too many calories that need to be exhausted. But about 40 minutes in, while climbing a rather long and steady hill, I managed to lock my eyes straight ahead, the voices in my head shut off, and my body took over. I've been running for my whole life, haphazardly for the last ten years, my body knows how to run. My legs know how to pump up a hill, they know when to shuffle with small steps, they know when to take long strides and dodge holes. They know how to communicate with my lungs, which are working hard, pulling in oxygen, pumping it through my body. They know how to communicate with arms, to pull myself forward. My body knows how to run, I just need to learn how to let it. Then I think running for an hour will become easier.

going the extra mile

I wanted to turn around and go home. It was 88 degrees at 8 o'clock tonight, with such stifling humidity that I felt like a gnat drowning in a vat of honey. I'd had a lethargic day, and knew that I needed to get in a good long run, but I could barely lift my legs and my back was tied up in knots from the cross-training I had done over the weekend.

Upon leaving the house I found myself heading right towards my 30 minute route, and had to quickly redirect myself, towards the farmer's market it was. If I am going to run a marathon I can't keep being a wuss. I reached my half way point. "I want to go home" were the only words echoing in my mind. Just as I reached the corner I heard another voice say "ok" but it wasn't an "ok, I give you permission to turn around" it was an "ok, I hear you and I acknowledge that going home would be nice... but I also want to keep running." And with that I crossed the street.

Just as I crossed the street a cool breeze blew, the first, and only, of the night. A few yards past that two of the most adorable raccoons imaginable, their bodies no larger than my running shoe, came out across the fence and into the tree. Then there were two bunnies, and a doe. I guess dusk = dinner time. Had I turned around sooner, I wouldn't have been in those places at that time and I would have missed it.

I often dismiss Raleigh for it's lack of grandeur. We're not D.C or NYC. We're not Seattle or Portland. But to live in a city where I can bike to a coffee shop or walk to a bar, and then just a block the other direction experience wildlife and woods is a pretty remarkable balance, one that is worth going the extra mile for.

just write.

I really do have greater intentions for this blog... as almost every blogger writes. It's just that I've crossed the line. I went from being recreationally crazy to officially nuts. I signed up for a full marathon. Now every move I make is in effort to run better. I eat it, I sleep it, I breath to run. It's amazing how time consuming and expensive this "cheap" hobby has turned out to be. Oh... was it four years ago... I decided "hey I think I'll run so I don't have to buy a gym membership" HA! A gym membership would've probably been cheaper... but perhaps not nearly as exciting as going nuts! So for now I will be running. I had a few ahh moments on yesterdays run, a little baby deer popped out of the woods just in front of me before seeing me, freaking out and running away. I had an inch worm hanging out on my shirt, not really sure how it got there. And well I ran for two hours. Almost a half marathon, which I'd say is a pretty big accomplishment, it's only the 3rd time I've ever gone that distance, yet it still just doesn't hold it's weight against the prospect of running for 5 hours (cringe) and I know that only runners really have any interest in reading about running and even then I find it's a pretty selfish, I mean, personal activity and while you don't mind giving someone props, odds are your goals and skill levels are a million miles (figurative miles that is) apart that I really don't have too many intentions about writing too much more about running. It's just something to do.

"I think you're crazy"

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space
Gnarls Barkley

Everything is up in the air. And that's just how it has to be for now. So I wake up each morning and take the adrenaline, the anxiety, the fears, the foresight and I run with it. I run towards the future. The future hopes of one day having a career, running a marathon and being an artist.
I run. Even if it all makes me a little crazy. And just take those moments when they come to enjoy the small things.

26.2

I have to run. It's in my heart. I can't help it. No matter how many times I quit, no matter how many months I take off, the first time I pull my running shoes back on, and hit the pavement, I know I'm exactly where I belong.
I think it's time to consider running the City of the Oaks full marathon. I have until 6/30 before the price goes up. If I can run a half marathon by then... then I suppose I should do it.