farewell 2010

So another year comes to a close.
I'm working today, which is quite a disruption to my normal reflection routine... but I couldn't dare let the year escape without some type of summary.

It's been a BIG year. The beginning of the year brought a strong dose of hardship, first with my boyfriend getting fired from the same company that I work for (for an event in which I had been present), followed by the death of my beloved grandmother (she was really all had for family).

Fortunately, that's not where the story ends. I completed my first full marathon this year. My greeting card company is off to a hopeful start. I've sold them at several locations, and I'm getting ready to launch a website and host an etsy shop - look for that spring of 2011! The biggest surprise of all is my upcoming trip to the Philippines! I've spent my whole life dreaming of travel, and the day is here! I leave January 23 for a month of traveling! More to come!!

Happy New Year to all!

potato.

I was reading the awesome book that I picked up while I was at Edward McKay called "All is Forgiven, Move On" by Janice Taylor. It's a self-help book about how to change your relationship with food, and since I'm too cheap and too picky to go to a therapist, this is a perfect book for me! It's quirky and witty - lord only knows I don't have the patience for anything cheeseball or sappy, no Dr. Phil here!

One of the exercises addresses the emotional baggage we carry around by converting the invisible emotions into a literal object, a bag of potatoes. In my case, it's anger. There are a lot of people in my past that have hurt me, and left me and anger was what kept me safe. But there comes a point where that anger is no longer necessary, and it gets misdirected. I grabbed a stack of index cards and for everyone that I harbor some negative feelings for, or would dodge if I saw them at a grocery store, I wrote their name on a card. Next thing I knew that stack of cards was sitting about an inch of the table. Not good. That's a lot of ghosts to be running from-
No wonder I'm tired! Emotionally and spiritually that's a lot of weight, and from my experience backpacking, carrying around weight is demanding (duh!) It means that you burn more calories, so you need to eat more food, which means you need to take more breaks, and use up a greater number of resources. So by carrying this invisible emotional weight, it is more difficult for me to find emotional peace or balance. I am constantly stopping to adjust. I am needy. I need a lot of emotional support, which drains others. And if I was carrying on saving the world, they'd recognize the stress that I was under, and be more apt to contribute resources, but, the burden that I'm carrying has expired! It's outdated. It's from the past, it's run it's course. My family and friends have asked me to put this load down. They've stood by and helped me unload. Yet, I keep going back and picking it up anyway. Stupid! So of course they don't want to help me! Of course I'm always running on low fuel!

I think it's time to mash some potatoes and get this show on the road.

goals.

I started the year with a lot of ambition.
Now that I am down to 3 months, it's time to get real.

Here are the things I've done:

3. Learn more about the practice of yoga.
yay hot yoga!
4. Post my artwork on Etsy.
How about at Epona and Oak? Does that count? I think it does!

Here are the things I didn't do:

1. Reduce the waste that is produced in my home.
5. Begin training for a tri.
So... I had this brilliant idea to run a marathon instead... what?! And by the looks of things... I've fallen short. Boo!
6. Become a regular at a used book store.
I went to Edward McKay for the first time ever! what?! How is it that I was an english major and I never went to this bookstore until now?!
Still working on that whole "regular" bit.
7. Take an art class.
Does going to ahpeele and watching them screenprint count? No? ok.
8. Read at least 3 classics.
What's a classic again and why did I think I wanted to read one?
10. Spend one day a week exploring, playing, creating, doing. hmm I think I should start by "spend more time picking out realistic goals"

Here are the things that I still hope to accomplish:

2. Work on muscle toning and development.
9. Bake bundt cakes and deliver them to friends. I really should find this recipe... it's not too late!

10 Shared Goals


Done:

2. Paint the living room, bathroom and office.
Living room- check! Office- half a check... and we're ripping out the bathroom floor this week.
5. Plant a garden in my backyard. There was a garden. It yielded some spinach, some cucumbers and a lot of peppers. I didn't really help much to be honest though.
10. Go to San Diego. I think we're going in February... just after we go to the Philippines! I can't believe it!!! I got my passport and I'm saving my pennies!

Didn't do:

1. Visit all of the state parks in NC.
When Scott got laid off, we decided to put this one off.


Still some hope:
3. Start a dinner club. Maybe it's not too late to start this one...
4. Go on more picnics. The weather is perfect! No excuses!
6. Participate in a collaborative art project.
I started one, and it flopped. But I'm brainstorming a larger scale operation!
7. Throw a dance party. Let's just say we have some ideas...
8. Volunteer with at least 3 organizations.
One down, two to go.
9. Visit local vineyards and wine tastings. This needs to happen soon!

something september

i don't really know what happened.
it came in like a black hole
and swallowed all my desire.
i quit running,
i stopped sleeping,
i turned into an unhappy sort of sloth.

but now it is october and i am giving myself the power to just forget about september.

upcoming adventure: Expedition Blue Planet

Alexandra Cousteau is coming to Raleigh as part of Expedition Blue Planet and I have the privilege of attending a Benefit fundraiser to learn more about the critical water issues across the U.S.
At first this news was a bit overwhelming and intimidating. What do I know about water? The Neuse River? Alexandra Cousteau? The legendary Jacques Costeau? Blue Legacy?
But what an amazing opportunity to learn! To discover! To find out and explore!

I began doing some googling today - and came across some interesting tidbits about Jacques Cousteau. He's been referenced in over a dozen different (fairly well-known) songs, he's been quoted in several movies, he has quite a collection of books and documentaries. A quote that really struck me: "When one man for whatever reason, has an opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself." In reading these words, the vast unknown transformed into something tangible and personal. I am inspired and curious. I have no idea where this search is going to lead me, but I'm already liking the looks of it. More to come...

tuesdays thoughts: more of this, less of that

Living less in want, and more in action is a wonderful way to be. My focus is finally shifting from all the stuff I want, the iphone, drinks out at the bar, etc. and towards what I can do more of, running, writing, drawing, etc. These lusts became my first priority. I dreamt about how much better life would be if only I had an iphone- it's apps would make doing everything so much easier! Yoga at the touch of a button! An easy way to count calories! A digital library at my finger tips any time of the day or night- think how literate I'd become! Instant blogability every time I had a witty thought, wouldn't the world just love me then! Oh, the possibilities were endless! Oh, but only if I had that phone! And without it- everything was just less. No happiness for me! Just another month that had come and gone with little to no "expendable income."

Time to stop obsessing over want I can't have and grab a hold of what I do have.

this is their story. part 1.

She was 17 when she decided to run away from home. She earned the right. Her parents were "catholics" ie. they didn't believe in birth control. But they sure did believe in abuse, neglect, and abandonment. There were 7 of them. One boy. Six girls. The boy, one of the eldest, had tourettes and a addiction to drugs. Of the youngest girls, one was mentally challenged. Their aunt and uncle, the only saving grace, took pity on them, as they had no children of their own. Falling towards the bottom of the totem pole, her piggy bank robbed by her older brother, her time robbed by her disabled sister, and her heart broken when all the older siblings flew the coop.

He was 20. Been with the same girl since middle school. A dream come true. Except she was jewish. And he was the farthest thing from it. A red headed Ramirez. That carried a connotation that we know nothing of now. Mexican, Indian, Scottish, Irish = Catholic. But, if he was willing to convert, the world lay at his feet. Her parents owned a restaurant in the city, across from a hospital, and they had acquired a solid bit of wealth. In fact, they had already purchased high ticket items a dishwasher, refrigerator, washer and dryer, for the young couple and kept them stashed in their basement waiting for their wedding day. Paired with a promise to provide the means for college, and a prosperous career as a lawyer. This was his dream. Until he decided that he did not want to live indebted to someone else.